Frustration with digital communications/social media

Submitted: Friday, Jan 04, 2019 at 08:36
ThreadID: 137644 Views:1535 Replies:11 FollowUps:7
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I’ve seen a developing and worsening trend over the years of a lack of courtesy regarding digital communications.

How many of you have seen questions asked here or on other sites, (many without a please or such). The well-meaning EOites here go to work and respond with copious info/detail. Then their reply is at times met with little or no appreciation/response from the ‘requester’.

Nowadays I’ve become reluctant to provide info because of the time involved and lack of appreciation by some.

Does anyone else feel this way? Maybe I’m an old grumpy basket.

Here’s a related article from ABC news.

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2019-01-04/when-you-don27t-get-an-instant-reply/10675744




In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a government.

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Reply By: Les - PK Ranger - Friday, Jan 04, 2019 at 09:42

Friday, Jan 04, 2019 at 09:42
Phil, I’m just replying to let you know I read your post, and to let you know the effort to post this thread was worth it :)

Seriously I know what you’re saying, SOME response at SOME reasonable time is just plain good manners.

But as you may be aware, some social media addicts are likely logging on every 10 mins to see how many replies they have to the pic of breakfast they posted an hour ago, there are 2 sides to this modern era of internet communications.
AnswerID: 623010

Reply By: Frank P (NSW) - Friday, Jan 04, 2019 at 10:17

Friday, Jan 04, 2019 at 10:17
G'day Phil B,

I think there are two issues.

One is common courtesy, often lacking even in face to face interactions. Like "Two middies of New". No please and no thanks after being served.

The other is whether or not you're wedded to your phone. I do not believe that just because I have a mobile phone that the world has a right to my time and a right to instant response. Not even friends and family. The ABC link suggests that perhaps I'm in the minority there. :-)

A bit of common courtesy and a timely response (which depends on circumstances - it could be immediate, it could be a day later), seems reasonable to me. And that would apply to posts on EO, even if it's just a click on the Thanks button.

Cheers
AnswerID: 623012

Follow Up By: Phil B (WA) - Friday, Jan 04, 2019 at 10:40

Friday, Jan 04, 2019 at 10:40
Good points and I agreed Frank.

A response doesn’t have to be immediate if you receive a message, you just may not be in range or available and as you say the world shouldn’t have the right to your time and a right to instant response if you are the receiver of a call/message.

However if you’re the requester of information, then its courteous to be available to respond, or at least thanks and/or I’ll get back later when other replies have come in.


In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a government.

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Follow Up By: Frank P (NSW) - Friday, Jan 04, 2019 at 10:47

Friday, Jan 04, 2019 at 10:47
"However if you’re the requester of information, then its courteous to be available to respond, or at least thanks and/or I’ll get back later when other replies have come in."

Agree 100%, Phil.
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Reply By: Joe Fury - Friday, Jan 04, 2019 at 10:24

Friday, Jan 04, 2019 at 10:24
G'day Phil B

I trust you have a safe and peaceful 2019.

I too have 'noticed' a lack of courtesy and respect in regards to questions asked at times, the requester of advice must feel quite vulnerable once the onslaught begins.

There are far too many 'experts' giving their opinion for my liking, but that's how society is these days, one only has to endure the evening television NEWS or question time in federal parliament to see society at work.

I guess I am being disrespectful by using lower case text for the question time quip, but I'm no expert when it comes to any politician or the so called leader(s) of our nation.

Safe travels: Joe
AnswerID: 623013

Follow Up By: Phil B (WA) - Friday, Jan 04, 2019 at 10:43

Friday, Jan 04, 2019 at 10:43
Good point Joe,

Intimidation is another aspect that is unnecessary. All of us were ‘learners’ once and I reckon I’m still learning and happy to say so.
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a government.

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Reply By: Siringo - Friday, Jan 04, 2019 at 10:49

Friday, Jan 04, 2019 at 10:49
Hi Phil. I've been on lots of forums since the mid 90s and this forum is the place I've seen some of the most unwarranted and nasty replies to innocent queries anywhere.

I went away from this forum for 2 years as I had had enough of the bullying and almost hateful replies I had read.

I came back and within weeks was the recipient of some unthoughtful nasty replies to a simple question I had posed.

So I guess it swings both ways. I think all you can do is just do what you want to do and decide whether you'll reply based upon each question.

Good luck.
AnswerID: 623014

Follow Up By: Phil B (WA) - Saturday, Jan 05, 2019 at 14:45

Saturday, Jan 05, 2019 at 14:45
Hi Siringo (interesting name).

Bullying is so unnecessary, we can’t know everything and we should always be learning. There’s no need to belittle and bully is there.

Well said by you – ‘ …do what you want to do and decide whether you'll reply based upon each question.’

It’s sad it’s come to that - if some of these people were courteous etc they would get much more information and guidance.

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a government.

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Reply By: Sigmund - Friday, Jan 04, 2019 at 11:07

Friday, Jan 04, 2019 at 11:07
It's a minority.
I just put them on the forum Ignore List, if it has one.
If it doesn't and I get sick of seeing it I quit the page/group/site.
Life is too short to put up with repeated lack of civility or respect.

Then there's the quality of information put up.
It's like currency: the more that's put into circulation the less value any unit has, and there's a shitload in circulation. So the sound stuff gets valued in the same way as the dross, and in time the sound stuff gets driven out.
AnswerID: 623015

Reply By: RMD - Friday, Jan 04, 2019 at 13:03

Friday, Jan 04, 2019 at 13:03
Phil
I see many almost demand and answer but don't supply any niceties to anything. Prior to or post event.
Saw a post today on another forum. “What speakers fit a 2019 Dmax”. That is it. No preparatory explanation of what is intended. Is it every speaker or just one. Most are after the easy way out of everything and expect others to always do the hard work for them.
Sometimes, apart from typographical errors which we all make, many spell common words incorrectly and since they can have different meanings but sound the same, it can be unclear. It is easy to get howled down for correcting someone. Not sure why, it is best to be pointed in the right direction, surely. People reply because they can work out what is meant although the post doesn't actually say what is intended.
It is no good to go to the doctor and explaining about orgasms, but actually mean organisms. He might work it out but will correct you to be sure during the diagnosis. Same here.
Unfortunately some people on forums get out of bed in the morning and think, what can I be offended by today. Often, someone who makes the error doesn't worry/learns by it, but others who read the text take up the challenge and become offended on their behalf, because they can. They then attack the one correcting something or putting it in perspective. Those being offended on behalf of others is a disease.
If it is all ok, why is the reading and writing hotline 1300655506 placing ads on TV to help people?
I make mistakes like all of us, but have helped many young people and apprentices with writing and speech/terminology in a technological setting. Those who took notice definitely had the employable edge over the ones who wouldn't bother to improve. Employers are far more interested in those who communicate, “more better”.
No, you aren't grumpy! Often younger ones say, " I was like" while speaking. I instantly stop them and ask what were they like. They certainly aren't going to tell me what they were like or felt, and cannot explain what they "are like" when questioned about it. They expect our imagination to fill in the image of speech which they can't articulate, but can text 49 1/2 times faster than I can
AnswerID: 623019

Follow Up By: Phil B (WA) - Saturday, Jan 05, 2019 at 14:39

Saturday, Jan 05, 2019 at 14:39
You're spot on RMD, well put.
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a government.

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Reply By: Baz - The Landy - Friday, Jan 04, 2019 at 14:27

Friday, Jan 04, 2019 at 14:27
Hi Phil

I see communication as an interaction with others and look to show the same level of courtesy whether from behind the keyboard or face-to-face around the camp fire.

This is the only forum I participate in and contribute when I feel I can add some value to the discussion. I don’t concern myself whether I get a response, nice as it is to get an acknowledgement of the contribution.

Like camp fire discussions, some might be ‘quitely’ enlightened by a view or thought without the need to acknowledge it and this is what encourages me to contribute; it is reward enough.

But everyone is different, some might have got an ‘A’ for spelling or grammar, others may struggle at times to a get point across, perhaps others may not show the same level of courtesy as others, but at the end of the day if we just accept everyone is different maybe it will make for a better experience for all...

Cheers, Baz - The Landy
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Reply By: ExplorOz Team - Michelle - Friday, Jan 04, 2019 at 17:46

Friday, Jan 04, 2019 at 17:46
HI Phil,

That's a tricky one. We all use social media/forums in different ways. Some people are highly responsive, others less so. The more time goes on, I know I for example have refrained from pressing LIKE on all my friends posts in Facebook - in past I thought it was polite to acknowledge them but now I feel like I have been made a slave to the system so I refuse to participate in this way. Instead, I will mention the new puppy when I see them next and acknowledge how cute it is to their face.

In terms of Forums like this where someone does post a question and others post long/useful responses, the OP might feel like I do with Facebook in that he shouldn't feel obliged that by asking a question he must engage with all that respond and I wonder if that notion challenges the ideals of an altruistic community?

Altruism is certainly far from the world Facebook has created. They have built a world of narcissists.

Don't take that the wrong way, I'm just saying that there is a viewpoint here to be considered....

Aside from that, there are certainly many valid reasons why people may not respond. I for example, don't necessarily like to get overly involved in detailed responses when I post a question looking for a technical answer - because I'm trying to stay focussed on filtering the responses, absorbing the knowledge and working out what is relevant and what is not. Often the responses give you part of your answer but not all - and that sets you off on a journey of more research that can be time consuming - often immediately before a trip for many people here on ExplorOz where suddenly the only important thing is getting the answer to make the decision to make the purchase to get the problem solved so you can get away. Having been in this situation personally many times I think I am guilty of not always responding to all that give responses to my posts. I hope I haven't offended anyone but I do usually go back and tap on the Thanks button. There other valid point to consider is if they ever get the right answer - some people will remain mystified - either because they didn't ask the right question, or ask the right way and as a result got strange answers that didn't really help. These people might feel like it was all too hard, and rather choose to ignore it and move on to another method of getting help with their issue. I do see many people ask a question too early, before they even understand the issue fully, and I think they go away thinking, well I really better not embarrass myself further by responding until I sort myself out. Some people have a lot of ego at stake and couldn't post a response in public that might expose they don't fully understand the response too. Who knows what people do with the written word.
Michelle Martin
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Follow Up By: Phil B (WA) - Saturday, Jan 05, 2019 at 15:13

Saturday, Jan 05, 2019 at 15:13
Hi Michelle, Season’s greetings.

Interesting points of view your raise in your response and no offence taken.

I see where you’re coming from with ‘…the OP might feel like I do with Facebook in that he shouldn't feel obliged that by asking a question he must engage with all that respond’. I guess depends on the question asked and the response. I however feel the requestor should be courteous and at least tick the equivalent of thanks/like.

Great points you make about: When to ask, how to ask, a response that misses the point, feeling intimidated in asking, not asking the right question and so on, shows you’re seeing this problem often.

A person shouldn’t feel intimidated asking a question, after all they don’t know what they don’t know. Patience and courtesy by requester and responder will go a long way to getting the information required.

My main beef in starting this thread is a typical request such as “I want to travel the corner country, what do I need and what’s to see?” often without a please or TIA.
Then people such as Stephen L and Mick O provide lengthy advice and links. And not even a thankyou is given.
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a government.

John Adams


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Reply By: greybeard - Sunday, Jan 06, 2019 at 12:18

Sunday, Jan 06, 2019 at 12:18
The main point to remember is that participation in digital/social media is 'opt-in' not 'opt-out'.
I much prefer that people I associate with have some semblance of social etiquette but it's always my choice if I want to respond to them, ignore them or get upset.
AnswerID: 623056

Reply By: Candace S. - Wednesday, Jan 09, 2019 at 13:06

Wednesday, Jan 09, 2019 at 13:06
Years ago, I had my own website and used to post trip reports. This was before there was an abundance of online information for the sort of hikes I was doing. I would get queries and would take the time to provide detailed answers. But as you have experienced, often I wouldn't even get a simple thank you. Let alone would they contact me later and let me know if my advice was useful, if conditions in the field had changed, etc.

It happened enought that I eventually stopped answering questions altogether.

P.S. IMHO the quote in your signature is 100% accurate and very timely...
AnswerID: 623084

Reply By: Batt's - Saturday, Jan 12, 2019 at 11:40

Saturday, Jan 12, 2019 at 11:40
I'm 52 yrs old, don't usually watch the news haven't gone out of my way for a lot of yrs to do so I mainly here bits from people at work. There's too much doom and gloom and media sensationalism for my liking. Seriously I didn't know who our PM was till recently still don't remember their name and it hasn't affected or changed any thing important in my life. Also don't facebook or any other stuff like that just visit a few 4WD sites.

You are the one in control of what info you receive try not getting involved or watching or listening to rubbish for a week or 2 you'll be surprised you can still get on with your life not having to keep up to date with the latest cr*p.

Instead of watching the news flick it over to the Simpsons or something and have a laugh it's much more satisfying I find.
AnswerID: 623153

Follow Up By: Siringo - Sunday, Jan 13, 2019 at 11:24

Sunday, Jan 13, 2019 at 11:24
G'day Batt's, you sound just like me. I used to watch the ABC for news, now I call them the Misery Channel and barely look at the station at all. I do watch SBS news as I find them the least sensational out of all of 'em.

I drive everyday and used to listen the ABC as well, these days it's music or nothing when I'm in the truck.

And yes, not watching the news has very little impact on you other than you do start to feel little lighter.
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